Frances M.

Frances M. is a 50 year old woman that was born and raised in Washington Heights in New York City. She grew up in a family of four and is the youngest of one sister and two brothers. Frances now lives in Fort Lee, New Jersey with her very dear friend Mary.

Frances recently talked with NOFAS Program Manager, Brianna Montgomery.

Brianna Montgomery: Thank you for agreeing to be interviewed; it is a pleasure to have you share your story with us. My first question for you is, how does FASD affect your life?

FM: It has affected my life in many ways. I was born six weeks early and weighed three pounds, eleven ounces. As a child, I never knew what it was but it was hard for me to make friends and I found myself feeling afraid of others. School was very hard for me, especially Math and English. I couldn’t comprehend them. I completed high school and tried college, but it didn’t go well. Then I got a job.

BM: Where did you start working and how did that work for you as compared to school?

FM: Working was hard. I didn’t know what I wanted to do and I went from job to job. I couldn’t hold on to a job. It was hard for me because I developed anxiety, depression and an eating disorder. I still deal with that today.

BM: How do you deal with having anxiety, depression and an eating disorder?

FM: I see a therapist often and take medication. It’s still a struggle.

BM: Do you think that these issues are direct results of you having an FASD?

FM: Yes. I believe it is.

BM: I understand. So, what do you do now? Are you still working?

FM: Yes, I work as a cashier for CVS Pharmacy.

BM: That’s great. Do you like your job?

FM: I do. My job is getting more challenging though because it gets busy around this time of year.

BM: What parts of your job do you find to be the most challenging?

FM: When I am pushed to go faster than I am capable. I have to go at my own pace and if I’m rushed I get anxious. Also, if the environment is too loud that bothers me. Sometimes I find myself shutting down.

BM: You said that you shut down when you become overwhelmed with anxiety. How do you deal with the anxiety in your workplace?
FM: Sometimes I will take a break and step outside. I remove myself and come back. Also, I call friends for support sometimes.

BM: It sounds like you have a good control over your anxiety and have your strategies down.

FM: I try. I have been on this job for ten years and it is the only job that I have held on to. I put all of the credit of holding on to this job for so many years on going to therapy and being involved in support groups.

BM: Which support groups are you involved with?

FM: I am very involved with Al-Anon. I have a lot of friends in that group.

BM: That’s great. My next question is, what do you believe needs to be done to address FASD in the community and among experts in the field?

FM: We need doctors to be aware. I have been to many doctors where I tell them I have FASD and they just look at me. I have to educate them. It is sad seeing how much they don’t know.

BM: We see that often.

FM: My goal is to get information on FASD to all of my doctors.

BM: That is a good segue in to my next question, as a person that has FASD, how important is it to you to educate others about the disorder? What have you done to educate your peers other than educating your doctors?

FM: I think it is very important. I have done a couple workshops with Dr. Susan Adubato and she has given me the opportunity to share my story. I also run the Alateen meeting in my area.

BM: How did you get involved with Al-Anon?

FM: I first got involved with Al-Anon way before I knew that I had FASD. I got involved with Al-Anon because I grew up in an alcoholic family. I am involved with Alateen and I lead the meetings, but I don’t share my FASD story yet because it’s hard to explain to 9-15 year olds. There’s a right time and a right place to share my story. I do share my story at the Al-Anon meetings. I always tell myself if there is one young woman who is thinking about having a child and who is drinking, if I share my story and that one person hears me it’s worth it.

BM: That is totally true. You are saving a life in a way. Let me ask you the next question, what skills have you adapted to overcome the challenges of having FASD that other individuals with FASD may benefit from?

FM: I do a lot of writing to express my feelings. It helps me. I also watch people very carefully to learn how to do certain things. I tend to read everything twice to comprehend what I am reading. For my anxiety, I avoid loud and crowded places. I always surround myself with people that I feel comfortable and safe with.

BM: That’s always good; do you have any other friends with FASD?

FM: No, I don’t, but the people that I hang out with and feel safe with most are my friends from Al-Anon. They are very loving, caring and supportive.

BM: That’s great. You talked about how you like to write, that leads me in to my next question. What are some of your personal interests?

FM: I like sports. I really enjoy football and baseball.

BM: What teams do you like?

FM: I like the Jets and the Red Sox.

BM: Those are two really great teams. Do you go to games or watch them on TV?

FM: I mostly watch them on TV. I also really love animals. I love working with dogs and cats.

BM: Do you have any pets?

FM: Yes, I do. I have a dog. I always had an animal in my life. Now that I think about it, having an animal in my life, even growing up, was probably a coping mechanism for me.

BM: That’s a good coping mechanism. What kind of dog do you have and what is his/her name?

FM: I have an 11 year-old toy poodle and her name is Friday.

BM: That’s cute!

FM: She was my niece’s dog and when they moved, I got the dog. She’s spoiled rotten.

BM: Do you have any cats?

FM: I like cats, but I am allergic to them.

BM: So you enjoy animals and sports, do you play any sports?

FM: No, I don’t play sports. I have brittle bone disease and I have to be careful.

BM: So, your bones would have a hard time healing if they broke, correct?

FM: That’s right. I was never able to get involved in any sports. I would rather watch sports on TV anyway because you can see everything.

BM: That’s very true! Okay, I have one last question for you. What do you want other people to know about FASD?

FM: I want people to know that there is hope. I keep telling myself, if I can survive others can too. FASD comes with a lot of shame and challenges. I always tell people to stop and think before taking that drink. Pregnant women should remember that they are not drinking alone.

BM: That’s a positive message to send. I want to thank you so much for participating and telling me your story. I enjoyed learning more about you. I hope that you enjoyed the interview.

FM: I did. Thank you for inviting me to speak with you.