This long journey that I have been on took a huge turn today as my daughter moved out of the house and into a group home. This was a voluntary placement – her next step of independence as her journey continues.
She is living in a home with 5 other women – she is the youngest at 21. The others range in age from 30 – 55 (even though they are all the same intellectually). She is sharing a room with the oldest resident, which I think is best as she might look at her as more of a “grandma” instead of a peer.
I’m sitting at home, doing a lot of reflecting on how we got to this day. It wasn’t the easiest of hills to climb. Being a birthmom, who didn’t get into Recovery until she was 12 years old – I had a lot to learn. Thank God for the help I had along the way. I have felt blessed in so many different areas that come with this territory. When I walked into the rooms of recovery I stayed. I have never left my sobriety behind me. I made friends who took the place of family that I was lacking. I learned how to accept support. My daughter had foster moms who took care of her while I could not. She was in foster care for a total of almost 10 months (2 separate stints) and I can look back at what a positive experience it was. The 3 different foster moms we worked with were great and my hat is off to them. They took care of my daughter while supporting me in my efforts. Never once did I feel threatened that they wanted my child – all they wanted was for me to get on the right track so I could have my child home. The same with our CPS social worker. She stood in my corner and fought for my daughter to come home because I had completed all the items in my re-unification plan. Our Regional Center worker has been with us for the past 7 years. Last night when she came over to sign the placement papers, we had to say goodbye because Tracy’s case will be sent to another worker now that she lives out of the home.
A couple of years ago when we were going through our toughest times dealing with a molest and then the severe behavior problems, I found the online support. Who would have thought that out of those darkest days would come the brightest rainbow. Thru the online groups, I have learned how to be the best parent possible and have become an advocate for my daughter. Today I get the opportunity to travel around and tell Tracy’s story. My daughter is the reason that I am who I am today – I’m not that 85 lb crystal meth addict who used for 25 years. I am a birthmom of an adult daughter with FAS, who, without saying a word, convinced me to turn my life around. If I didn’t have Tracy, I wouldn’t have all of you in my life. I can’t think of anything else I would rather be, than the mother of this beautiful, well-adjusted, happy, successful girl.
I’m sitting here tonite not exactly sure of what I am feeling. She has been away from home before, summer camp and vacations, but tonite I have a little voice in my head that keeps telling me – “Tracy doesn’t live here anymore.” We have become quite a team over the past 21 years and I am going to have to make a huge adjustment. Don’t get me wrong - I am looking forward to the peace and quiet, and not having the head-butting contests - but I sure am going to miss her.
She has been very anxious the closer the moving date came and this morning after we got there and unpacked the car, she sat down on the sofa and cried in my lap. But 5 minutes later she was giving the staff a hug and telling me I could leave.
I think she is going to absolutely love it as she makes the adjustment. After all, she will have 5 new bestfriends! On the other hand, I look around my house and all I see is a dog and two cats……