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National Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Protecting children and families by fighting the leading known cause of mental retardation and birth defects
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“We know what we need to do in order to address this epidemic, and it involves some very simple things, like proper maternal and child health care, where we can make sure a pregnant woman has resources available to get the treatment and support she is going to need in order to make it through her pregnancy without drinking.”
Rep. Patrick Kennedy

A Stepfather's Perspective

Michael Mitchell is the stepfather of Karli Schrider and husband to Kathleen Tavenner Mitchell, Vice President of NOFAS.  July 20th, 2009.

I have been Kathy’s partner for twenty-four years, we married in 1992. I met the children when they were still quite young. Karli is our middle child; she has fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS).  Although raising a child with a developmental disability has not been easy, it has been very worthwhile. I believe that my life has been enriched and I am a much better person for having the experience. Karli rarely has a bad day; she always has something nice to say about everyone.  Life is not perfect, and some days can be frustrating, but you really can’t get too upset with her, all she wants is to be loved. We have learned to be patient with her process and try hard not to overwhelm her. She needs to be prepared for all transitions and changes to her schedule.  

Our family has worked together to focus on her strengths and accept her weaknesses. We are careful to educate all service providers and everyone in her daily life about her disability. All of her activities are designed to enhance her self esteem. We have been blessed to have great support for Karli. She was very close with her grandparents, and for the first thirty years of her life, she spent a lot of time with them. Karli loved being there and her grandparents loved having her.  Her grandparents are now deceased and her brother and sister help us out often. Typically she spends at least one night over at each of their homes. She is able to help them with their children and home chores, and they provide her with fun activities and involvement with their families. She has a few visits a year with her biological father as well. All of this support gives us a break, and helps to keep us from getting burnt out. Caring for Karli takes a devoted team, and it all works perfectly for us.

When I married Kathy, I knew I was committing to two people. When I married Kathy and promised to always be there for her, I made those same promises to Karli.  I knew she would always need us, and that we had the job of ensuring that her life was happy and safe. Anyone that knows Karli, absolutely, without a doubt, falls in love with her.  She’s so giving and she is a great teacher in how to live life and treat others.  If we could all be like Karli, the world would be a better place.

Copyright 2001-2004 National Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome