My name is Marion; I am the mother of a 20 year old son Christian, who at the age of 2 weeks was diagnosed with FAS. That diagnosis was reviewed again at the age of 16 and was reaffirmed. This is our story~ a story of hope, forgiveness and love.
I need to keep things simple so I will keep this in layman’s terms with basic information. I was born the youngest of 14 children, a product of Irish Catholic heritage. Mine was a typical childhood for a family that size and I recall lots of fun, family and food. My “issues” started around the age of 16 and have formed the person who I have become today. Depression was passed thru my paternal and maternal genetic lines and it became my starting point of many years of mental health issues. Around the age of 14 I began shoplifting, at age 16 I developed eating disorders and the alcohol abuse came a couple years later. I am beyond playing the victim and blame game and it doesn’t matter about the hows or whys, it is what it is and shit happens.
At the age of 22 I was newly divorced and drinking heavily when I met the love of my life and the man who is now my husband. Bill also came from a family with substance abuse issues and thus was not a man who turned to drink to cope, so I became a closet drinker thinking I would keep my problems to myself and still keep him in my life. Well, I could not keep my drinking problems from him but he has been steadfast in his love for me, although there were times when he did not like me very well.
About 2 years into our relationship Bill and my brother were attempting to get me into a treatment center in Traverse City, Michigan for my drinking. After the entry physical the physician informed us that I was pregnant. From all the information he could gather he estimated I was about 4 or 5 months along. It was a bitter sweet time for all of us. Bill and I were happy but also terrified, as we both were aware of the implications the heavy binge drinking could have on the fetus. We were not very informed about FAS but knew it was a very likely possibility. I was told I must find a high-risk obstetrician and to stop drinking immediately. There were no treatment centers in our area that would take pregnant women. This was literally the first day of the rest of my life.
During the next couple months I was able to abstain from drinking and found an understanding and knowledgeable Doctor in Midland, MI. We were young and poor but Bill had a full time job with medical insurance so we married at the local courthouse and I was able to be insured immediately. We married on October 22, 1990 and on my birthday on October 31st we went to the hospital for a second amniocenteses, when it was realized I had lost most of the fluid in the amniotic sac and the decision was to progress the delivery ASAP. I delivered vaginally on November 2nd giving birth to a baby boy who was 5lbs. This was in Saginaw, Michigan at what was then Saginaw General Hospital. We felt very fortunate to have found caring, concerned and kind medical professionals who HAD knowledge and experience with FAS.
Christian was kept in the NICU for 2 weeks and was sent home with a heart monitor. He was our angel and we were ecstatic he was as healthy as he was, but also terrified of what his future held. We felt we were the lucky ones in this life of FASD as we were aware of the harm done and were able to try and be proactive from the beginning. It was not always easy to deal with the damage I had caused and I was not able to totally refrain from self-medicating with the alcohol, the binging was an issue for many years to come. I am eternally grateful to my husband and Christian’s Dad for being the glue that held me together until I was able to do it myself; it is so cliché but so true about him loving me until I was able to love and forgive myself.
Thirteen months after Christian was born we had another son we named Cody. They became best friends and have always been easy children; they smiled all the time and were adored by everyone who knew them. I did not drink during the pregnancy with Cody and it is very obvious in the height, build and IQ difference between the two of them. If anyone has any doubt, my sons are a testament to reality and truth of FAS. Christians’ has been a typical educational path of a child with FAS - borderline mental retardation with all the delays and issues that come with that.
A major factor in our story was our decision to move to a small town in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula where we live with 40,000 acres for our backyard, on the shores of Lake Superior. These provided the nature and calm my body and mind craved to stay healthy and happy. It also provided a community, school and good friends who got to know our family personally and accept Christian on his own terms. We got Christian involve with a 4-H horse club and the leader Jackie, has become our own real life angel on Earth. She adores Christian and he thinks she rules the world. He was a natural around horses and at riding horses from the start and it has the single most advantageous activity we could have gotten him involved in. He is the proud owner of his own American Curly Horse who he pays for himself. At this time, Christian did “graduate” from high school and has worked at the high school in maintenance the last two summers. We are working with a state program to get him gainfully employed and possibly into a vocational –rehabilitation program. Until then he receives a minimal paycheck from SSI when he is not working.
There are daily struggles for Christian and for us as we learn to accentuate the positive and accept his limitations. He has had a nurturing and loving environment to grow up in and that will always be. His brother Cody knows and fully accepts the fact that he may someday have to play a parental figure and that give us peace of mind and enables us all to live, laugh, love, hope and forgive. There is after all ~ a life after a diagnosis of FAS.
From top left: Christian (11 months) and Marion; the brothers Cody and Christian; Chris and his beloved horse Ranger; Chris the graduate; family fun and laughter.
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