My name is LaShaunda Harris and I am 39 years old. I have 3 children that are alcohol affected: Uniqua, the oldest,;Danae the second oldest, and; Honesty, my third child. I was separated from my two older children when they were 3 and 1 and I currently have three children that I am raising. I come from a military family and lived with an alcoholic stepfather. I am the oldest of five children and a survivor of a teenage parent! I started drinking and experimenting with alcohol when I was 17 years old and from age 17 to 21 drinking was a way of life. At first I started drinking to fit in and to escape the responsibilities of home, as being the oldest came with lots of responsibility and blame. Soon drinking became a way of life for me and for many different reasons I made it okay, I drank a lot during my first two pregnancies and less in my third.
I really had my spiritual awakening when I was able to go to treatment. December 12, 1993, I was able to go into treatment and start a new beginning, and I was pregnant with my third child. I was two months pregnant when I entered into an inpatient facility primarily motivated by fear and determination to not lose another child. As I begin the marathon of recovery, I started to get better and learn more. As I sat in a six month inpatient program, I watched a film on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. It was at this time I realized that Danae may be affected; I ran to my counselor and cried. I told my counselor at that time that I felt so guilty and was so full of shame. I explained to her that Danae cried all of the time. Being 19 years old and with no support, I was constantly partying I did not know what to do to calm and help her. Danae’s pediatrician blamed all her crying on colic. As reality sunk in, I knew I needed to get more information so that I could relay it to the father who now was raising my two daughters.
My children were living with their father and two years had gone by without any contact. I was devastated, but all of a sudden it made sense why I was in treatment and what I needed to do to prevent FAS from happening again. I also knew that I wanted to help others because I didn’t know anything about FAS when I was pregnant – I now know that it is so important that women support, coach, and educate other women. After I learned about FAS, I called my mom and screamed - I couldn’t believe it! My mother had no idea what I was talking about. As time went on I was able to educate her as to FAS and FAE. The only person that really supported me during that time was another patient who was going through the same thing. We helped each other get through that moment and the remaining six months.
My third child, Honesty, was born while I was in treatment and I was so grateful to see her come out with all of her hands and toes, although I knew there may be some cognitive issues due to the drugs and alcohol. This time, I was ready to parent the right way. Eventually I graduated and went on to live in clean and sober housing while I attended college and maintained a job. As Honesty became older and entered school, I learned that she was a slow learner. Math, numbers and telling time were difficult and still are struggles for Honesty today. Currently, Honesty is 16 years old a junior in high school - she still struggles with learning disabilities. She recently started driving and is currently working on the simple goal of getting her permit. Honesty is most successful if she is given very concrete and simple things in writing.
I was reunited with my two older children, Uniqua when she was 15yrs old and Danae at 14 years old. Since our reunification, we talk a lot about their struggles and why they have them. Uniqua is 21 years old today she is about to get married and she still struggles with finances and budgeting. Her husband is the son of a minister, so it has taken one with a lot of patience to help her continue to be successful! Danae is 19 years old and she struggles with self esteem, confidence and sexuality. When we talk she appears to be angry a lot and it takes a lot of de-escalating and teaching for her to learn to regulate her emotions. She is currently working part time and attending college.
When my girls and I get together today we make it a point to be silly, have fun and talk about the things that bother or worry them. Today I am 17 years clean and sober I get the privilege of working with substance abusing mothers - the biggest gift is love and giving back! I am able today to talk with other young ladies, lawyers, courts, schools etc... about drinking while pregnant and the damage it causes to the baby. Today I don’t have to wear the shame or guilt jacket. I have chosen to educate myself to be a voice and mentor for the mothers coming behind me.
When I started this marathon I was 22years old. I was broken traumatized and hopeless. I had no idea who I was, where I was going or how I was going to get there, all I knew to do was to ask for help. My help started with prayers from my family and self and somehow through one of those prayers I made it to where I was supposed to go.
I have found out who I am through my journey of recover. I am now 39 years old with 17 years of recovery, a degree in business, 5 children who love me unconditionally, a husband who loves me in spite of my past as well, and the personal love and determination to continue to move forward in supporting and coaching other mothers. I started this process being hopeless, I ended it with hope. Recovery is not just a marathon; it has been a journey I am so grateful for.
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